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What Are You Looking For In A Partner?

Updated: Feb 15

The question “what are you looking for in a relationship partner?” may seem like an easy one to answer. Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. No matter what we think we’re looking for in a partner, the people we wind up choosing don’t necessarily match our criteria for an ideal companion. The reason for this is very simple; we don’t always want what we say we want. 🥴

The laws of attraction aren’t always fair. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional baggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships. We choose partners who fit in with destructive patterns, not because we enjoy them, but because they’re familiar. 🤭

When choosing a life partner, it’s important to break free from harmful tendencies from our past. Consider the people you’ve previously chosen to be with and think about why it didn’t work out. Were they too controlling? Passive? Jealous? Elusive? Did they make you feel a way you felt in your past? Did the situation mirror a dynamic from your childhood? 🤔


While we can’t know for certain all the good and bad characteristics our partner will bring to the table when we first meet them, there are certain universal traits you might want to look for in a relationship partner that will ensure a happier outcome.


No person is perfect, of course, but this week I will share with you eight key qualities to look for in a partner 😉

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